Monday, October 07, 2002
Another week.
God, can't I just die already? It would be so much easier than coming into work on a Monday.
So tired today. This weekend kicked my ass. Had an incredibly wonderful time with my parents. Sharing the day with them, laughing our asses off Saturday night while drinking and playing cards, having some private and serious talks...all of it was perfect. I hugged my mom so long before she went to bed at the end of the night. I didn't want to let go. Ever.
:(
Our bathroom is a pretty fun place. We have signs all over the room. For example, we have a quote of the day, a word of the day, an "IMPORTANT READING MATERIAL" section and most fun of all...a "Drawing Board". The drawing board is a blank piece of paper that encourages graffiti of any nature. It ends up being pretty damn funny. My parents almost spent their entire visit in the bathroom drawing pictures and making jokes. I about shit myself every time I went in there.
It was so great. I had drawn a full mural for them before they got there. On Sunday morning, as they were leaving, I looked to see them tearing down the picture and shoving it into my mom's purse. They wanted to bring it home and mail it to my brother. How adorable.
I miss them alot already. Probably won't see them again until Thanksgiving. Maybe the first weekend of November, but it is unlikely.
Last night I made dinner for the housemates. I made chicken with a special dijon sauce. On the side I made broccoli with cheddar melted on top and also brownies. Rita made her famous cheese biscuits and we all sat down together and shoved our vaginas full of food! It was great. And man did I eat myself to death.
Who's turn is it next week!?!?!
Kelly will be in Albany, so probably my turn again.
I love Vitamin Water. LOVE it. Today I bought one that is 32oz. Am I serious??? For some reason, when I drink a bottle of this stuff, it makes me have to piss as though I haven't gone in days. Hm.
So lately I have been a little angry at God. I know it sounds weird. Especially if you are someone that doesn't believe in God. Cuz then it's like: "What to get angry at?"
But I am an individual that lives my life under the direction and guidance of Jesus and God. I have very strong convictions and am way past the point of arguing their existence or power in the world. Save that talk for someone who wasn't raised in a baptist church.
In any case, I very rarely ask God for anything. I mean, of course I ask for everyone in my life to be safe and blah blah...but I never ask for anything that is based on petty wants. When I do ask for something big, it is usually because I need it. Seriously need it. In my life, I can think of 2 other times when I said to God that I needed something and now!
One was when I asked for a boy to come into my life that I could love and that would love me back. It's a long story and my reasoning's why I asked for this are very good, but not your business just yet! :)
The second thing I asked for was to make a decision about whether or not I should change majors to theater or finish up the last 6 credits I had left in becoming a teacher. Due to the timing of this request, when I got my answer it was big(!) and changed my life very dramatically.
It has been years since I have asked God to help me with a problem that was of the same caliber as the problem I have been dealing with for the last couple of months.
What do I do to find my answer?
I am trying to be patient. I am trying not to get discouraged of angry. But it hurts you know?
What I need now from God is some clarity. I don't need him to (overnight) make my life perfect. I just want a direction, a pathway, a sign as to what I am supposed to do.
(big sigh)
It's rather upsetting to me. Waiting for an answer and not getting anything close. Damn.
I will continue to pray. I will continue to allow my life to change. I will continue to work on the aspects of myself that need to be worked on. But at what point do I realize what I need to do differently?
I love God with everything in my heart. I trust him, I defend him, I stand my ground on my belief in him. What am I not doing?
It's puzzling. It really is.
So I am not really "angry" at God. I am just confused and a little hurt. Doesn't he want me to do what's right for both of us?
And if so, why won't he help me along in figuring this out? Should I fast until I have an idea as to what I am really looking for?
In other news...
I love the change in the weather. It's about time! The cooler fall air. Now that's where it is at!
I really can't wait until its sweaters and jackets.
Got a lot to do this week.
Think I am going to go make a to-do list right now. If I don't, there is no way I will get everything done that I need to do.
barp.
God, can't I just die already? It would be so much easier than coming into work on a Monday.
So tired today. This weekend kicked my ass. Had an incredibly wonderful time with my parents. Sharing the day with them, laughing our asses off Saturday night while drinking and playing cards, having some private and serious talks...all of it was perfect. I hugged my mom so long before she went to bed at the end of the night. I didn't want to let go. Ever.
:(
Our bathroom is a pretty fun place. We have signs all over the room. For example, we have a quote of the day, a word of the day, an "IMPORTANT READING MATERIAL" section and most fun of all...a "Drawing Board". The drawing board is a blank piece of paper that encourages graffiti of any nature. It ends up being pretty damn funny. My parents almost spent their entire visit in the bathroom drawing pictures and making jokes. I about shit myself every time I went in there.
It was so great. I had drawn a full mural for them before they got there. On Sunday morning, as they were leaving, I looked to see them tearing down the picture and shoving it into my mom's purse. They wanted to bring it home and mail it to my brother. How adorable.
I miss them alot already. Probably won't see them again until Thanksgiving. Maybe the first weekend of November, but it is unlikely.
Last night I made dinner for the housemates. I made chicken with a special dijon sauce. On the side I made broccoli with cheddar melted on top and also brownies. Rita made her famous cheese biscuits and we all sat down together and shoved our vaginas full of food! It was great. And man did I eat myself to death.
Who's turn is it next week!?!?!
Kelly will be in Albany, so probably my turn again.
I love Vitamin Water. LOVE it. Today I bought one that is 32oz. Am I serious??? For some reason, when I drink a bottle of this stuff, it makes me have to piss as though I haven't gone in days. Hm.
So lately I have been a little angry at God. I know it sounds weird. Especially if you are someone that doesn't believe in God. Cuz then it's like: "What to get angry at?"
But I am an individual that lives my life under the direction and guidance of Jesus and God. I have very strong convictions and am way past the point of arguing their existence or power in the world. Save that talk for someone who wasn't raised in a baptist church.
In any case, I very rarely ask God for anything. I mean, of course I ask for everyone in my life to be safe and blah blah...but I never ask for anything that is based on petty wants. When I do ask for something big, it is usually because I need it. Seriously need it. In my life, I can think of 2 other times when I said to God that I needed something and now!
One was when I asked for a boy to come into my life that I could love and that would love me back. It's a long story and my reasoning's why I asked for this are very good, but not your business just yet! :)
The second thing I asked for was to make a decision about whether or not I should change majors to theater or finish up the last 6 credits I had left in becoming a teacher. Due to the timing of this request, when I got my answer it was big(!) and changed my life very dramatically.
It has been years since I have asked God to help me with a problem that was of the same caliber as the problem I have been dealing with for the last couple of months.
What do I do to find my answer?
I am trying to be patient. I am trying not to get discouraged of angry. But it hurts you know?
What I need now from God is some clarity. I don't need him to (overnight) make my life perfect. I just want a direction, a pathway, a sign as to what I am supposed to do.
(big sigh)
It's rather upsetting to me. Waiting for an answer and not getting anything close. Damn.
I will continue to pray. I will continue to allow my life to change. I will continue to work on the aspects of myself that need to be worked on. But at what point do I realize what I need to do differently?
I love God with everything in my heart. I trust him, I defend him, I stand my ground on my belief in him. What am I not doing?
It's puzzling. It really is.
So I am not really "angry" at God. I am just confused and a little hurt. Doesn't he want me to do what's right for both of us?
And if so, why won't he help me along in figuring this out? Should I fast until I have an idea as to what I am really looking for?
In other news...
I love the change in the weather. It's about time! The cooler fall air. Now that's where it is at!
I really can't wait until its sweaters and jackets.
Got a lot to do this week.
Think I am going to go make a to-do list right now. If I don't, there is no way I will get everything done that I need to do.
barp.
